Have you ever had those moments or days or weeks where your kids are acting like such idiots that you really start to question whether or not you have the right to even parent?! I mean seriously. How about this little story as an example….
You wake up and get yourself ready for the day. You’re excited because you get an extra 15 minutes because instead of walking the older two to school, you are taking them to their yearly well-check. You think to yourself, #winning. But the reality will not be #winning, it is going to be more like #shootmenow.
You go in to the living room and find that your two older boys are NOT dressed like they should be so you kindly remind them of their responsibilities. Boy #2 does as he’s told, boy #1 decides he’ll take his sweet time and complain about everything along the way….you know because his life is so awful. Then as you are loading every one up to go, you look in the van and realize that Boy #1. The oldest of all 4 children is NOT in the van like he should be. You go inside and find him playing with legos and you lose your [insert bad word]. “WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?!!!” comes barreling out, more like a truck hitting a wall. And that Boy #1 looks at you, wide eyed and says in a frank tone, “Well, you said ‘bye’.”
Mouth Drop. GET IN THE CAR NOOOOWWW!!!!!!
You are annoyed and start to wonder, what in the world has come over your oldest child but you turn on the worship music to give you some peace. You get to the doctors office and Boy #1 decides he’s not going to come in. Oh, I’m sorry, was it even an option?! NO! Get out of the car NOW!
You get everyone checked in and he is acting like a normal child again. Whew. Thank the Lord.
Fast forward until you’re actually IN the room, waiting for the doctor. Things are going well, all your kids are under control. You play a few rounds of simon says and then you start to read a cool book on bones and muscles and everyone is so happy. The doctor comes in and expresses how impressed she is with how good your kids are. Ahhh relief.
The doctor starts to check on Boy #2 and after a few minutes you look over and Boy #1 is LITERALLY SPRAWLED OUT ON THE FREAKING FLOOR LIKE A COWHIDE RUG! You want to slap him, but instead you tell him to get up in your ever.so.nice.mom.voice. He obliges, but hesitantly.
Don’t lose your cool mom. Don’t. Lose. Your. Cool.
Next up is Boy #1. Doctor is chatting with me and asks if I have concerns, I tell her no except he has a little hard time falling asleep at night. She suggests taking screens away 2 hrs before bed instead of 1hr. I go on to tell her that’s a good idea and we try to limit screen time. Then this…
Boy #1 – No, I play the XBox all the time.
Me – Umm, no you don’t. You actually just had it taken away recently but earned it back for good behavior. Boy #1 – No I didn’t.
Me – Yes you did.
Boy #1 – I didn’t get it taken away.
Doctor – watching as this all plays out, probably thinking I’m “that” parent that lies….
Me – Yes you did because you were disobedient but you changed your behavior and you just earned it back.
Boy #1 – No, that didn’t happen.
Me – Cohen. This is not funny. I am not playing and you WILL tell the truth right now.
Boy #1 – [insert cheeky smirk that you want to just smack]
Doctor – You should really listen to your Mom and if you don’t we have a time out chair if it’s needed.
Me – mortified.
Oh, but don’t worry. It gets better you guys….
Doctor then goes to examine Boy #1.
Doctor – Where are your underpants?!
Cohen – There weren’t any clean ones.
Me – Yes there are! Did you look in the laundry basket?
Cohen – Yeah, there aren’t any there so I had to go without them.
Me – [fuming]
Doctor – Oh if it makes you feel any better, this happens at least like twice a week.
So eventually I gather up my pride and self control and leave the doctor’s office. I drive my boys to their school only to have Boy #1 tell me that he didn’t even have his book-bag with him. You guys. I just can’t even.
You can’t make this stuff up. This really did happen. I got in the car and wondered to myself these various things:
– Am I really qualified to be a parent?
– Where did I go wrong?
– Am I too easy on him?
– Am I too hard on him?
– Is it just an age thing?
– Does he need more responsibilities?
– Should I have him in more activities?
– Should I take everything away?
This parenting thing is no joke.
So to all you Moms out there. I do NOT have it all together. I don’t have the perfect family and I’m most certainly NOT the perfect Mom. We are all humans over here and we all have our days that we’d like to forget. So hang in there. Put on some worship music and scroll through your phone and look at all those cute pictures you take of your kids when you want to slap them. At least you’ll remember that they aren’t little devils all the time.