I’m in this place in my life where I thought I’d have it all figured out by now. I had a plan you know. Back in those early college years. I’d find a guy, get married, teach, have a few kids & get to stay home with them while they were young and then go back to teaching. Maybe down the road I’d move on to be a principal, but I wasn’t quite sure on that one yet. I’d need to go back to school to get my masters if I wanted to have a higher pay scale, and we all know, teachers really don’t make much money. But I was fine with that. I loved teaching. And I had a plan. I had it figured out.
Things didn’t go exactly as planned. I started teaching first and then met a guy. I taught some more and then we had a kid. I continued to teach and then we had another kid. Then we moved across an ocean and I got to do what I said I always wanted to. I got to be home with my two kids. Funny. It wasn’t what I thought it would be. If I’m being completely honest and raw, I was miserable. I felt worthless. I felt like a doormat almost. Not that my husband treated me poorly or that I didn’t have good moments at home, but I wasn’t fulfilled. I felt like my talents were going to waste. I hadn’t realized how very much I measured my value based on my career. Silly isn’t it.
I missed having something for me. Something that I was good at. Sure. I was a good Mom, but do you think an infant or a 2 yr old can tell you that? Ha! I was either diapering, feeding, rocking, disciplining, nursing, soothing, consoling, medicating, changing children or cleaning or cooking. After a few months of being home, and living in a new country, I wanted back in the teaching field. I started putting together my resume’ and looking for jobs at the local school.
Then something happened. I started to make a few connections with local moms. I started to also build a blog and find a community of Moms that felt EXACTLY like I did! Women who once had a career and then stayed home with their little ones. Trying to find this new ‘person’ that they had become. It’s silly really. I remember watching my husband go off to work and being so jealous that he was able to go have adult conversations ALL. DAY. LONG. When he’d come home and I’d tell him he was lucky that he got a ‘break’ he didn’t quite understand how working outside of the home was a ‘break’.
Fast-forward a few years when I found myself blogging & content with this new career I had formed for myself. I was pregnant with our twin girls and loved that I was able to bring in a little extra cash by working at home AND I was able to be home with our kids. It was as if the stars aligned and all was right. But something happened at the end of my pregnancy. It seemed as though the tides were changing in the blogging world. Social media became much more active and people got away from these silly blogs. Everything was more business focused, product promotion & not as real and raw as blogging used to be. I got away from it and realized maybe things were changing for me.
It’s funny now looking back to see everything that prepared me for where I am in this season of life. The various ways my ‘jobs’ taught me how to engage with people, encourage others and truly listen to the needs and wants that they desire. I see now that God was molding me, refining me so that, now, NOW I could do what He intended.
I get asked quite often if I’ll ever return to teaching. The honest answer is, I don’t know. I feel completely satisfied in where I am right now. Being home with our kids while helping contribute to our family’s financial needs. When I walk the school halls and step foot in a classroom, there is that peacefulness that seems to take over. That familiarity of it all. The craving to lead a classroom again. But then I hear the stories. The teachers who are over worked, under paid and feel as though the art of teaching is slowly disappearing. Then, I am thankful for this place I am now. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would lead me to some of the most amazing personal development of my life.
God does not do mistakes. His plan is wide and BIG. My job is to trust in His plan and KNOW that it is good. So for now I continue to be present & thankful where I am, sharing the love of health and wellness with others.